Not All Strangers Mean Danger

 If your child got separated from you at an amusement park would they know how to seek out a stranger for help or would they wait until they were approached?

Most people in the world are good people who want your children to grow up safe and strong. Children should be taught HOW to talk to strangers so that they know how to get help when they need it. One good idea is to teach your child to seek out a mother with other children as someone who can help them if they are alone or afraid. Children should be taught how to flag down a helping adult without ever leaving their lost-spot.

Here is a short list of reasons why JWRC does not teach the Stranger Danger message in its curriculum or speaking events:

• Children have a specific mental image of what a “stranger” looks like and if the person they meet does not fit that image (i.e. coming out of an alley wearing a black trench coat) they do not connect that lesson to the person.
• Children who are abducted or abused are almost always hurt by someone that they already know – either a relative or acquaintance.
• Children are confused when they are told not to talk to strangers and then are expected to communicate with people they don’t know (school bus driver on the first day of school, parents new friends, etc.)

Knowing that almost all cases of abuse and abduction happen with peers or adults that your child or teen knows, we do not talk about how you know the person, but instead we talk about how the person makes you feel. If someone gives you that “uh-oh” feeling for any reason, get out of the situation and go talk to the adult taking care of you. 

There is no longer a focus on if you know the person or not, instead the focus turns to behavior. If a known or unknown adult or friend behaves in a way that is confusing, scary, or dangerous, the child should be encouraged to leave the person immediately and find a trusted adult. 

Certain behaviors – getting in a car, accepting gifts, leaving with someone, having someone take your picture – are behaviors that should always be checked first with the person taking care of you. Children should also be taught that adults ask other adults for help. If the person offering a ride or asking for help will not allow the child to check first, the child should be taught that it is ok to say no to an adult. If this happens, they should say no, get away, and tell someone.

 Children should also be taught that there is never a good reason to keep a secret from their parent. If you are ever asked to keep a secret from your parent, that is a signal to talk to your parent immediately about that person.

 Teaching personal safety to children can not be a one time conversation or an outdated sound byte. Parents should discuss personal safety as often as possible and at teachable moments. One way to do this is to use the “What If” format taught here on our website. It is important to provide children with multiple opportunities to practice their decision making skills. Perhaps the most valuable outcome of these ongoing personal safety discussions is maintaining closer relationships with children that will serve to guide and protect them through their youth.